


Stronger Every Day

by TWG26



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Established Relationship, F/F, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWG26/pseuds/TWG26
Summary: In the aftermath of Horde Prime's defeat, Catra and Adora struggle to figure out how their relationship will work in the new world they helped to create.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Post-Canon about the glaring issues in Catra and Adora's relationship at the end of Season 5 of SPOP. As such it contains SPOILERS for the entirety of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. I had these ideas and scenes bouncing around in my head, and I found it a good, cathartic exercise to write them down. I've no idea if it will be any good, useful, or interesting to anyone, but since I've written it, I felt posting it might be worthwhile. This is the first fanfiction I've written in over half a decade; if you like what I've written, I would really appreciate if you left a comment, bookmarked, shared it, or subscribed.
> 
> As of March 5th, 2021, I've made a few changes to the syntax of some clunky sentences, since I tend to have these long run-ons which I personally like the sound of but can be confusing if read a certain way. I've also taken some longer sentences and stretched the ideas of them out into multiple shorter, choppier sentences. Some body movements felt awkward when I imagined them so I replaced them with something more natural. I've also extended a few short passages as they got stuck into my head over the past week. If you've read before though, thank you, and there isn't much changed. But re-reads are always appreciated and welcome.

She hadn’t kissed her back in a month.

It wasn’t long after Horde Prime’s defeat that plans started to be made for what Bow was still calling the Best Friend Squad S.U.P.E.R. Road Trip (although S.U.P.E.R did not stand for anything beyond “Super, Ultra...Road trip!” yet). And even though the name was terrible, as all Bow’s names were, it had stuck, and so had the plan: bad as the name was, the idea to spread magic from Etheria to the greater galaxy around it was perfect, and nobody could deny it. After having seen the devastation Prime had left on magical planets like Krytis, the most natural thing to do would be to spread that immense fountain of magical power back to whatever corner of the universe they presently found themselves in, and so, the plans began to be made.

This, of course, required considerable planning and research. Entrapta and Hordak had been put in charge of constructing a second space-faring vessel, and both of them worked hour upon hour at this task. Adora’s job for now, as everyone continued to tell her much to her chagrin, was rest. Adora refused to stand still though; she had awoken early in the morning for weeks to train. There was no telling what was going to be out there. And although the Heart’s activation had given her an unthinkable amount of magical power, the final push against Horde Prime had taken everything out of her; in many respects her friends, and Catra, were correct. She needed to calm down, or she might seriously hurt herself. Most of her past month had been spent sleeping, though, and the inactivity was beginning to seriously bother her. She needed some goal to work towards again. For now, though, she bided her time for the most part, and tried to sleep. Oftentimes her overactive mind got the better of her.

The fact that most of her sleeping was alongside Catra made things a bit easier. As Adora stirred awake, she could feel the bed rumbling with the woman’s purrs beside her. Melog hummed gently, draped over both of their feet, as Adora slipped out from underneath them. She breathed a light sigh of relief as Melog readjusted themself and continued to sleep peacefully. Truth be told, Adora knew Catra needed the sleep more than she did. Catra had been through a hell of a lot more than she had, and to her mind the top priority was making sure that she regained her strength. She hadn’t noticed it in the heat of the moment, in those final days before the failsafe was activated and the magic released across the planet, but Catra had really shrunk in her time on Horde Prime’s mothership; she had to have lost at least 15 pounds, and she was always a smaller woman to begin with. She’d thought it had been the loss of her massive mane of hair--which was ever so slowly growing back now-- which had caused her to look so frail, but the truth was much more painful to consider. Catra was such a _little_ thing now, skin and bones...

Adora pushed that thought from her mind, unable to stop herself from reaching over the bed to plant a kiss on Catra’s forehead. Her ears automatically twitched at her approach, but Catra continued to purr away as Adora pulled back. She smiled down at her, and then remembered.

Catra hadn’t kissed her back in a month. And no amount of “we’re friends, we can do anything,” or for-the-honor-of-grayskulling could fix that. Adora could feel her face twitching, trying to frown. But she wouldn’t let it, not in front of Catra, not while she smiled there, purring against the sheets, curled into a little bundle, with Melog at their feet. So she forced her lips back into a smile, softly slid her feet onto the floor, and glided out from under the covers, leaving the two of them there, blissfully ignorant as ever.

Of course, they still did kiss; they were together, wanted to be, and Catra was far too physically affectionate a person to turn any form of touch down, especially not one so charged, one so ripe with decades of bunk-room sleepover fantasies unfulfilled, with so many glances in the Fright Zone locker room, with so many hey-Adoras slipped into the space between their lips. But every time Adora kissed her, something felt wrong. Catra didn’t move the same way, didn’t...melt into it, melt into her, like she used to. Her lips moved, but it was almost robotic, as if she were simply moving them because Adora was moving her own. She pulled away faster, and didn’t press her forehead against hers after it. The worst part about, though, was that Catra didn’t seem angry with her in the slightest; Adora had absolutely no idea what was wrong between them, or what was wrong with her. It was frightening. It was unfamiliar.

Part of Adora knew all the training was an escape. Catra could tend to be...volatile. She was getting better, and Adora couldn’t be prouder. But that didn’t change the fact that Adora could see Catra starting those early phases of shrinking into herself, and when she did that...the results were explosive. She wanted to take it away from her, to drag her back, kicking and screaming if she had to. There was something about this specific set of circumstances, though. If she tried to address it, Catra would dodge. She was always so fast on her feet, and her mind was just as sharp. She knew exactly how to get out of doing things she didn’t want to do. Something Adora had done, or was doing, upset her and caused this change in her; somehow she’d failed again. So she refused to show Catra that she was upset with her, that she was anything but happy as could be with her and their new relationship. Adora wanted Catra to come back on her own terms because Catra had spent too much of her life living by someone else’s. She wasn’t lying at all, she was incredibly happy to have Catra back in her life...but this new development continued to eat away at her. She’d figured Catra just...needed the space, after everything that had happened. After all, she was sort of a different person now. It wasn’t inconceivable that all that time alone after Adora had left had caused Catra to drop the need for consolation when she was upset. And then again, Adora didn’t even know if she was upset...so she let her be. 

Now dressed, she took one last look at the scene behind her from the doorway, a tired, feint smile filling out her face. She’d figure it out, in the end. How could she not, when she saw all the good she had in her life laid out before her like this? She was smiling in spite of herself. And then, like a bad omen, Catra let out one of her mewling yawns and flipped herself over, so that her back faced Adora. Melog murmured and blinked twice, their eyes meeting hers, staring blankly at her, tired. The two paused a few moments. This was something of a ritual for them now; if Catra was aware of it, she didn’t make it known. Though Melog was attached to Catra mostly, Adora was convinced that some of that connection was being passed onto her. Adora’s smile waned: she stepped out of the room as silently as she could before Melog could notice. 

  
  


……………………………………………………….

She kept waking up to a cold bed. Every day. Melog was there, but they weren’t warm like Adora was. And of course she wouldn’t be here, of course she’d be gone. That’s what she does, isn’t it?

No. That wasn’t fair. Adora always came back. She was never far. Catra assumed she would be training, again, which would mean she would be exactly one hundred and forty-four steps away. She’d counted, and was able to, because Adora was always gone. Every day. Training, in the same spot, for the past month or so.

Catra sat up and rubbed her eyes, sliding her feet out from under Melog, who let out a soft “mrrp?” as their eyes fluttered awake. The room was dark, with a single shaft of morning light poking through the shades. Catra’s gaze followed the beam of light down to Melog’s back, and, upon realizing that they were staring at her with a vacant expression, sighed and leaned forward to pat their head. “At least you sleep in with me.” Catra mused, running her fingers through the soft, fleshy patch of fur on their forehead. The big cat purred as they stared at one another. Melog possessed a series of meows and mewls that was somewhat comparable to a language, but they didn’t need it most days; most of their interactions were like this, a comfortable silence, understanding. She wasn’t getting that from Adora nowadays.

“I should probably go make her eat something.” Catra groaned, practically rolling off the edge of the bed. As her feet pressed against the floor, her eyes met a matching pair of amber and blue eyes in the full-body mirror on the adjacent wall. Her hand reached up to mess with her hair as she stared herself down. This part was hard. But sometimes, in the middle of the night, when she woke up, afraid after another nightmare, she would see the pale whiteness of Adora’s arm draped over her in that mirror, moonlight glinting off the subtle curves of her bicep and forearm, the little spiderwebs that were her fingers in that pale gloom of nighttime. And so she left it there, even if it meant she had to study this emaciated body each morning, remembering all the things he’d done to her in that-

Melog’s tail brushed against hers, and they briefly coiled around one another as Catra stretched her limbs. Everything was still so heavy, heavier than she remembered. She felt the joints in her spine gently pop as she reached her hands towards her toes. Melog meowed behind her. One last look. Catra was trying to _feel_ more, to let herself take what she was thinking into account. It wasn’t working, not really, but the attempt helped. But when she looked at herself in the mirror, a pale reflection of her former lithe strength, all she felt was pathetic. Especially since everyone was telling her how strong she had been; Shadow Weaver’s final, “I’m so proud of you, Catra,” stuck in her brain like an axe head.

Adora would probably give her _that_ look right now. She’d been doing it far too much, and Catra had no clue what it meant. Was it pity? Disgust? She turned herself around in the mirror, watching her ribcage poke out from underneath the now loosely-fit crop top which once was filled with her muscular chest. Maybe that expression was worry, but Adora didn’t look like that when she worried. Her eyebrows were more expressive when she got fussy about her, they hopped right up to attention in the middle of her forehead.

But Adora needed to eat something before she hurt herself. So she shrugged a robe over this new body, opened the door, and padded out into the dark, cold hallway to find the woman she loved, who loved her back.

It was exactly one hundred and forty-four steps to the armory, where Adora had cleared a small sparring ground and target range for herself. At exactly step eighty eight, in the middle of the hallway, was a construction site blocking off half of the walkway. Catra stopped there every day now to watch the progress. Nobody was ever up this time in the morning, but the artist worked on it every day. The frame had been completed, as did the outline of a human figure, and the details on the wings.

King Micah had commissioned a massive relief carving of Queen Angella where his own carving had once been, in commemoration of her sacrifice to close the first portal. Her mistake. It was surprising to her that Micah had ordered the portrait made: it was unclear to her whether or not Glimmer was still Queen. They still called her Queen, but was she? Catra craned her neck up to look at the subtle details on her face, which were just starting to be chiseled out. In the darkness of the hallway, Angella’s face seemed to scowl down at her from on high; Catra didn’t know the woman, didn’t even know her face, but already she could tell this was going to be a perfect likeness; this statue would hate her too, just as Angella undoubtedly did in life. The hair on her neck bristled as she turned her head back down to the floor, her spine hunched over as she continued her trek down the hallway.

Adora had her back turned to her, kicking away at a punching bag suspended from a beam in the center of the room as Catra sleepily leaned on the open door frame. She still put too much weight on her left leg, it always threw her off balance. Catra watched as Adora landed one, two, three successive kicks. She was getting faster, she had to admit. Catra allowed herself to admire Adora, the sweat trickling in riverlets down her neck, pooling on the collar of her shirt. Her ponytail bobbed back and forth as the weight shifted across the arch of her left foot, heel to toes. One thing that wasn’t wrong between them was this; Catra was still maddeningly attracted to Adora, every little movement she made was absolutely pooling with possibilities for Catra’s overactive mind. She hoped Adora still felt the same way. She wasn’t sure. 

“Hey, Adora.” Catra hummed, her tail swishing behind her as Adora pivoted on the ball of her foot to face her.

“C...Catra.” The corner of Adora’s mouth flicked upward to a slanted grin, even if her response was so Spartan. “How are you feeling? You should be in bed, you don’t have to wake up for m-”

“I wanted to train. I’m ready, again. I think.” Catra wasn’t sure why she’d said that. She’d come in here with some other objective, hadn’t she?

“Are you sure?” Adora cracked her neck, making her way over to her. She stopped a few feet before her. Her fingers poked at the fleshy cheeks beneath Catra’s eyelids. “You look exhausted, maybe you shoul-”

“I’m ready.”

“You’re not even dressed.” Adora chuckled, motioning to Catra’s pajamas. _She’s the one who sounds exhausted._ Catra rolled her eyes.

“I can get dressed. We live right there,” she gestured vaguely back down the hall.

“Oh...yeah, I mean, if you want to. I could use the help. Uhm, and the...”

And again, Catra saw that stupid, annoying, most irritating of expressions on that woman’s face. What was wrong with her? This combination of confusion, apathy, and….fear? She had no idea what it was, but it pissed her off more than she could tolerate. And Adora kept doing it. More and more, that stupid face that wasn’t even _Adora’s_ kept showing up in Adora’s expressions. It made her look like a completely different person. She’d never seen it on her face before, not once, not until after Prime was beaten, and finally for once in Catra’s life something was going well, because Adora finally wanted her too, and…

Catra forced a smile. “I’ll uhm...I’ll go get changed then.” She could feel her shoulders tensing up as Adora stared down at her. She looked like she wanted to say something. “What?” she bristled.

“You’re beautiful.” Adora smiled. She was Adora again. Sweet-smelling even when she sweats, sunlight on a Saturday morning, silly slap-fights at seven PM Adora. She pulled her forehead against hers, but Catra didn’t mind the pulsating heat radiating off of her, or her slightly ragged breaths against her lips. She started to purr, and as Adora brought her lips down to hers…

All she could think of was that blank expression, those dull, disinterested eyes that showed nothing but contempt for her, and she pulled quickly away.

“I’ll uhm...I’ll go get changed, then.” Catra shyly blushed at her, smiling meekly as she began her walk back down the hallway, shoulders hunched.

……………………………………………………….

“It looks good.” Adora looked up at the massive hulk sitting in the shed specially constructed in the Whispering Woods outside of Bright Moon for the purpose of housing it. This ship was different; it didn’t look like Mara’s, nor did it look like one of Horde Prime’s cruisers. No, there was something uniquely “Entrapta” about this one, even if Adora knew that all of it’s science was pioneered either by Horde Prime or the First Ones. Those spires that Prime had left as burning scars across the sweeping plains, gnarled woods, and high mountains of Etheria were a “treasure trove of scientific innovation and discovery,” as Entrapta so lovingly termed them. To Adora they were nothing more than ghosts of a future that almost was. But if they helped Etheria put more distance between them and the vision of the world the spires represented, Adora didn’t care. “Nothing like those Horde ships. Did you do that on purpose?”

“We did, but not because it looks pretty, because it’s _better_ !” Entrapta squealed, her arms raised up over her head, showing off her work. “The engines! Look at the engines, Adora!” Entrapta was practically quivering with excitement. “These, these will take us _far. Very far._ ” The engines did look impressive; Adora had no idea how it all worked, mind you. She barely was getting the hang of flying Mara’s ship; she could maneuver and that was about it. “These bad boys can take us _way_ faster than Darla’s old engines would take us, too! Using a design based off of Prime’s cruisers, Hordak, Wrong Hordak and I were able to almost _triple_ the cruising speed output of the older prototypes, _and_ we believe….” Entrapta motioned to Hordak.

Seeing him here was still so…wrong. As Adora had understood it, Hordak had turned against Prime in the last moments before the failsafe activated; when she found Prime’s consciousness and destroyed it, it was in his body. But there was something so...unapologetic behind those eyes. Adora didn’t trust him, but she couldn’t deny his mind was well suited to this task, having worked at this sort of theoretical science for years. Adora always thought it was magic, sorcery he was doing in his sanctum. It gave him an air of mystery, one to be feared. But he was nothing like he was before, she had to admit. He looked tired. He had replaced all that horrible armor with a plain lab coat. No logos, no symbols. No pride. Maybe he really had given up on his ambitions. Maybe something was going on between him and Entrapta; Adora had no idea. It helped that Glimmer kept guards on him, but she’d be lying if she said Entrapta wasn’t good for him, whatever their relationship was. She still didn’t think he deserved it, someone as openly giving as Entrapta. Then again, people thought the same about Catra and her.

He spoke. “We believe we can utilize the engine’s power outputs to fuel a small portal generator, rather than having a separate generator, as the Etherian ship had on board.” Hordak looked lovingly at their work, if that was a thing such a wholly _evil_ person could do. “It will be...magnificent. If it works.”

Entrapta barged in. “It’ll work, we just gotta keep trying, remember?” She beamed widely at him. Hordak looked down at her, and Adora swore she could see his cheeks tighten ever so slightly in that gaunt face of his.

“Indeed.”

“Glimmer and Bow want an update on the mission timeline. When do you think she’ll be ready?” Adora asked.

Entrapta sprung up into her face. “She’s ready _now_! Except the whole portal thing, that’ll take a few more experiments… and the weapons, and the fueling...navigation systems, airlock three is faulty,” she whipped out her recorder, “reminder to fix airlock three’s second door…”

“What my...lab partner…” Hordak mumbled, “is trying to say is that the vessel is not ready for departure. We will not be ready for an extended voyage for some time.”

“But she _can_ fly! Tell Glimmer to hurry up and let us go! I wanna go to spaaaaaaace!” Entrapta’s hair ripped her away, hopping up into the ship via a small ramp on the right side of the hull.

And that left Adora and Hordak there alone, as Entrapta and Wrong Hordak could be heard messing about inside the ship. Hordak stared down at her. He looked like he wanted to say something.

“You will want to inform the….Queen,” he said that word as if it were unnatural to him, “of...our progress. It will not be long, but there is still much work to be done.”

Adora briskly turned away from him. “Yeah. In the morning.” She started to leave the shed and head back home. To Catra.

“Adora.” Hordak called after her. The hairs on her neck stood on end as she looked over her shoulder back at him. He simply looked her in the eyes. A few moments, nothing more, nothing said. Just a tired old man staring at her. She turned around and kept walking. Hordak unsettled her.

All the planning was making her tired; it was a different sort of tired. An exhaustion from activity and motion, not the idleness she'd grown too accustomed to. It was nighttime now; Entrapta and Hordak always worked into the wee hours of the morning, and Adora found it hard to sleep nowadays with so much needing to be done. She knew she should be sleeping, but the work got the best of her, it always had. Bow kept telling her she needed to slow down. So did Catra; Catra most of all. She couldn’t do that now, though. They needed her. They needed She-Ra.

Adora gently shrugged the jacket off her shoulders and placed it on the coat rack adjacent the door in her and Catra’s room. Melog blocked the view, but she knew Catra would be asleep now. Adora pulled the boots off her feet, placing them on the floor with a soft thud, trying not to wake either of them up. Her belt buckle slipped away as she placed it on the floor. Now that they were...something, for sure, Adora got nervous undressing with Catra in the room, even though she’d done it a thousand times in the Fright Zone locker room. She was, of course, completely oblivious to the fact that Catra watched her undress all that time, though, with her heart beating wildly in her chest. Adora had done the same thing to her, too. She liked when she took her shirt off the most. She had grown to cherish that tiny moment, every day, right after training, when she could watch the hair be pulled up by the collar of Catra's uniform, exposing her neck...always wondering, deep in her mind, if Catra knew, or thought the same thoughts. But now there was a different tension, a knowing tension; she enjoyed it. It was exciting, it caused “butterflies in her stomach to flitter about,” a phrase Glimmer had taught them. Her neck felt hot as she pulled the shirt over her head, and she could feel her cheeks flush as her tights slid down her legs, letting the cool night air wash over her thighs. A soft breath escaped through parted lips. She tip-toed over to the bed, pulled up the covers, and laid herself down next to Catra, whose body was turned on it’s side to face her.

She could feel herself smiling as Catra’s chest raised and lowered the blanket above her, her rhythmic, soft, throaty breathing putting her at ease. It wasn’t quite a snore, what Catra did when she slept. Adora thought Catra looked the most beautiful when she was asleep, or close to sleeping. That was when Catra let her inhibitions down, stopped being so bristly. She was just...a little bundle when she slept. Adora slowly raised her hand to Catra’s face and cupped it around her cheek, her fingers running through the spindly hairs at the back of her neck as she wrapped them behind Catra’s ear. Catra murmured slightly at her touch, and Melog’s tail flicked up once and back down against Adora’s shin. A quiet purr bubbled out of Catra’s chest.

And then her eyes flicked open, two sharp, blue and amber pools in the moonlight, her eyelids hooding over them sleepily. Adora smiled. Neither said a word. Catra’s tail slid over her body under the covers, wrapping around Adora’s ankle. Catra’s lips tightened; was she trying to smile? The purr grew louder as Catra’s tail began to slowly stroke Adora’s calf. Catra was warm, impossibly warm; Adora wondered for a moment if she was coming down with something. This felt like home. This felt like _Catra_. Maybe, if she…

Adora leaned forward and brushed her lips against Catra’s as the purrs bounced about in the feline’s chest. She kneaded Catra’s ear between her thumb and index finger, rubbing it back and forth. For a fleeting moment, not more than a millisecond, Catra pressed her lips against Adora’s... and then, too soon, she pulled away. She looked exhausted, her eyes glazing over in this heady mix of moonlight and sleep deprivation, staring blankly back at her in the impossibly huge rift between them in those sheets they shared. And then they closed; the purrs were brought from a boil to a simmer. Catra drifted back to sleep as Adora watched on, scratching the base of her ear where it met the side of her head.

……………………………………………………....

Adora was here. They’d been training for a week, now. Catra was tired. She always was; she was feeling stronger every day, though. But today, Adora was here, in bed. For the first time in weeks, months even. She wasn’t training. Catra didn’t know what it meant, she could feel her heart starting to beat faster and faster. They hadn’t woken up together, not since...

Adora was turned towards her, her eyes closed, but the shallow rising of her chest showed that Adora was awake. She was waiting for her. Catra started purring despite herself, and Adora’s eyes immediately flashed open. She smiled, a real smile, an Adora smile. Catra bit her lip as Adora’s hand steadily slid up and down the small of her back, draped over her.

“Hey, Adora.” Catra whispered, heart beating wildly in her chest. “What are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be training? The first flight isn’t too far off…” Catra trailed off. To her horror, the smile faded off Adora’s face. _No, no no no.... come back to me, come back…_ There it was. That face, the one she kept making. Blank. Bored. Irritated. This was a nightmare, but she was certain she’d woken up.

“I... have to talk with Glimmer today, so I took the day off. We’re finishing the plans up. She’s trying to be all formal and stuff. It’s weird. I don’t like it. But it’s whatever, I guess.” Adora took the horrid mask off and replaced it with worry. “What’s wrong?” Her hand slid up her back to her cheek, holding Catra’s jaw.

“N...nothing, I’m just happy to have you here.” Catra could tell Adora didn’t believe it, but she decided not to mention it.

“Oh...oh, okay.” Adora twirled Catra’s hair between her fingers. It was heavenly. Catra’s eyes trailed back and forth across her features, desire for this woman laying next to her starting to overcome her. And then every beautiful thing about her face was replaced by that same vacant expression, as if the real Adora was this new hateful one. What was her problem? Why did she have to look so...so _ugly_ like that? Why did she only do it around her, and when she looked at her? It took every ounce of her being not to show what she was really thinking in her head, not to try and smack the mask off of her. What Adora was doing, it… why didn’t she realize she was doing that? What had she done _wrong_?

“We need to talk.” Catra gripped Adora’s fingers and stopped them from playing with her hair. Why did she say that? They did, but… Adora already was growing sick of her, would this scare her away? Panic began to set in.

“What’s wrong?” Adora asked. She tightened her grip on Adora’s fingers, who was now trying to pull them away.

“Why….” Her voice shook in her throat, pathetically bubbling out of her mouth. She kept thinking about how miserable she must look, how ugly and how… “When are we set to leave?”

“Oh…!” She looked relieved for a moment. “Glimmer and I, we...we were going to talk about the uhm...today.” Then it was back. Catra could almost feel her fist connecting with Adora’s cheek, and she hated herself for thinking it. Why was she dodging the question? Why couldn’t Adora see that something was wrong? More importantly, what _was_ wrong?

“I just…”

“Catra.” Adora stared intently at her, cutting her off. “I...I have to talk to you too.” Adora looked on the verge of tears. Did Catra look like that too? Adora shut her eyes and sighed. “You’re not....you’re not coming. On the ship. I think, I just…you…”

Catra froze. It started in the spine, first. The lower back, always. It punched its way in, and then slithered up through her ribs, pressing against her lungs, squeezing them. She started shaking, she could feel her hands quivering at her sides. _Not again, not here._ She saw red. She forced the air in and out of her nostrils.

“Get out.” It was all she could muster. All she had left. She turned away from her, couldn’t bear to keep looking at her.

“Wh...what?” Adora pulled away from her. “Catra, are you…?”

“Get out of my room. Now.”

“Catra, I...I know you’re upset, I just am worried you’re not...you took a beating, back there, it’s only for this one flight, I’m sure you’ll…”

“I told you to get out. I can’t talk to you right now. Get. Out.” Catra stared blankly at the wall. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time, not since… She thought she was better, she thought she was done with this, she thought _they_ were done with this.

“Catra, please….” Adora stood up. Catra was scaring her. It took everything in her to stop the blood pumping in her skull, blinding her, for one last sentence.

“We will talk. Later. Get out of my room. Now.”

Adora’s face contorted into a scowl. “Fine. I was trying to look out for you. You always… forget this.” She shoved her legs into her legging and threw open the door, marching angrily out of the room.

She wanted to say wait, she wanted to tell her to come back, she wanted to calm down, she wanted the tears to stay inside. None of it happened. Catra grit her teeth and pressed her palms to her temples as the tears poured out. She tried to press this horrible pressure out of her head, but to no avail. She screamed; how loudly, she didn’t know. Where was Adora? She was going to leave her behind again.

She was going to leave her behind again, and go off on some stupid adventure again. All because she felt she _had_ to, because some _stupid_ sword picked her in the woods one day. When was Adora going to realize that she didn’t want that? When was Adora going to realize she wasn’t dating She-Ra, she was dating _Adora_ , she wanted Adora, she wanted… she needed her not to leave. She needed her to stay, she…

Catra kicked the nightstand next to her over, sending trinkets scattering onto the floor. Why was she willing to stay, but Adora wasn’t? Why couldn’t this be enough for her? This woman was driving her insane, _again._

“Catra?” A voice called out from the hallway. Catra couldn’t tell who it was, the tears had blurred her vision.

“Adora?” She called out.

“No, it’s me. It’s Glimmer.” She could tell Glimmer had her ear pressed to the door. “Are you okay? I heard a scream.”

“G-go away!” Catra snapped. Not now, not now with this princess garbage, and “sticking it out!” and “you can do it!”

“I’m...I’m going to come in, okay?”

“No, no, I’m...I’m fine, get out, go away!”

Glimmer gingerly stepped into the room, only to see what Catra assumed would be a disaster in front of her. 

“Oh my...What happened?”

“I don’t know. Ask _She-Ra_ ,” she hissed the ‘S’ in that name. Catra turned and snapped at her.

Glimmer slowly walked over to the bed, and pointed to it. “Can I sit down?”

“Fine. Not like I can stop anyone from doing what they want anyways.”

“She told you about the mission, didn’t she?” Glimmer sat on Adora’s side of the bed, and turned at the hips to face Catra. “ It probably doesn’t help, but I agree with her on this. I don’t think you should go, Catra...you…”

“Yeah, you don’t trust me too, I get it. We’re done here. Get out.”

“Something is up with you two. I barely see you together, anymore,” she frowned. “It’s sad.” She paused for moment while Catra ignored her. “Hey, do you wanna try something?”

“What?” Catra complained.

“Here, sit with your back against mine. Like we did when…” Glimmer shimmied up onto the bed, tucking her knees into her chest, her back facing her, so Catra didn’t have to see her face, and she didn’t have to see Catra’s, though it was obvious she found face-to-face conversations easier.

Catra was done. She tucked her legs up and pushed her back against Glimmer’s. It was kind, what she was trying to do. Catra realized this. But she wanted to be left alone, like Adora wanted; and yet here she was, humoring her.

“I don’t...know what’s wrong with you two, but maybe...maybe if you just…. talk, I can help. Pretend I’m not here, or something. Talk to yourself.” Glimmer’s voice thrummed against Catra’s spine. Catra’s neck hunched over her collarbones. 

“She… don’t tell her this.” Catra begged as she closed her eyes, the last of the tears streaming onto the sheets.

“I won’t.”

“She keeps... _looking at me._ In this...way, and I don’t...I don’t know what it means, and she won’t sleep in with me, she keeps running away to train, and she won’t…” She could feel herself starting to cry all over. “Everyone here probably hates me, even you, because of that statue outside, and I...All she cares about is that ship, and flying around in space, and being _She-Ra_ , and...I want her to be happy here, and she isn’t….she’s going to leave, she’s going to leave _again,_ and…”

Glimmer shushed her softly, reaching her hand out behind her and patting the mattress, motioning for Catra to take it if she wanted. She took it. “Weirdly enough, I don’t hold any grudge against you. I should. But I think it’s because _you_ know I should be angry with you, and you’ve allowed me to be mad if I wanted to. I tried the same thing with Bow, and it really helped us. So we’ll start there, that’s one good thing right now.” Catra sniffled behind her. “Adora, she...I know you know her better than I do, Catra. You know how she is with...duty, and obligations, and all that She-Ra stuff. _Especially_ because it’s She-Ra stuff. I think...can I say something you might not like?”

“It’s not like I can stop you.”

Glimmer exhaled through her nose quickly, smiling. “No…I think you and Adora need to talk, obviously. Your relationship is...different, from me and hers. In more ways than one. But when you do talk, you guys...you need to make a compromise. Adora _is_ She-Ra, even though you think she isn’t. But she also loves you, I _know_ she does, Catra. She’s obsessed with you. And funnily enough, she’s been saying some really similar things about you. She’s worried you’re upset with her. But this? What you’re doing together, trying to give space, or back away... it won’t work. You guys have to compromise, because...you want different things, but still want each other. One of you can’t keep giving everything to the other, because Adora fully embracing her duties eats away at you, but her spending every moment with you eats at her just as much. It’s hard to see that when you’re living it and not looking in on it, like I am...”

Catra sat in silence, leaning against her for some time, as the midday sun slowly slid it’s shaft of light across the floor in front of her. Glimmer was right, but...Adora scared her. Adora needed her space, she knew. She was too ambitious to sit at home with her. Catra was tired of ambitions. She could be happy to sit in bed all day if it meant Adora would be there. That wasn’t healthy either, and she wouldn’t do that, but she _could,_ happily. For the rest of her life, even. Some part of Catra felt like she had been taking the relationship more seriously, but maybe she wasn't; maybe she was treating it all like her fantasy, a magical world in which Adora would pop into existence whenever she wanted her, craved her touch, begging to be nuzzled against her again.

She couldn’t lose her ever again. She didn’t want her to go on this trip, because in her mind there was a real fear that she might not come back. Maybe there’d be another magic sword, and she’d become Super She-Ra and “have” to leave her here alone again, in this castle of people who also probably hated her, because “it wasn’t right,” or “it’s her duty.” It was an illogical fear, but she genuinely felt it. Every day. Without knowing it, she’d been backing down, because all she could see was that irritated look on Adora’s face. Maybe it wasn’t even irritation, she’d just started perceiving it like that. There was fear in that face, too, that worried Catra even more, for more than one reason. The truth of the matter was that she thought Adora was leaving, and she’d started backing away to make that easier for both of them if she did. Catra breathed in slowly, filling her chest with air, and then exhaled.

“Thank you…” she managed to force out. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, again. I know that doesn’t fix things.”

“I know you are.” She could tell Glimmer was smiling. Glimmer rubbed the top of her hand with her thumb. “Do you want me to go? I understand if you do.” Catra nodded once and felt Glimmer squeeze her hand, before standing up and walking slowly across the floor, out the door, and closing it. She let out a long and shaky breath. Glimmer was right, and it sucked.

……………………………………………………….

Adora sat nervously on the floor in front of their room, fidgeting with her fingers. She couldn’t go in there. What would she even say to her? They had to fix this now. _She_ had to fix this now. The corridor was completely pitch black. Adora knew Catra would need space; she already was having trouble being kinder, acting less on the instincts she’d been raised to have...she wanted to give her time to process it all. Adora was proud of her. Maybe she really should come on the mission after all...it wouldn’t be too dangerous, right? But if something happened, and something happened to Catra…

It was cold out here, even though she was indoors; everything was more cold these days, for some reason. Maybe it had to do with the magic at the Heart of Etheria, or something. Maybe it just got cold in Bright Moon this time of year. On nights like this, all those years ago in the Fright Zone, Catra would be bundled under a veritable mountain of those stolen wool “blankets” that they were issued, completely covered as she slept at Adora’s feet. And in the morning, Adora would take all the covers gently off, except the one, so Shadow Weaver wouldn’t come in and make a face full of screaming Catra’s first experience of the new day. Part of her missed it. At least they felt closer then.

Adora stood herself up and placed her hand on the doorknob. Catra had to be asleep by now. The door creaked ever so slightly as Adora turned the knob and pushed into the room, beginning her nightly ritual of removing her clothes. She left the overclothes on, tonight. Something told her she was back to that level of comfort with Catra, that Catra wouldn’t like her presuming to sleep in her underwear beside her after all this. But she did plan to sleep next to her. That was really the only comfort she knew nowadays besides a sleepover with Bow and Glimmer, and she couldn’t do that. Not tonight. Tonight she just needed to hear Catra purr, just once, curled up on their bed.

As she pulled her jacket off, though, she noticed something. Two lights, one blue, one amber, floating a few feet above the bed in the dark, near the headboard. They emitted the soft glow that only moonlight reflected off a cat’s eye could grant. _She’s still awake._ Catra was staring intently at her. Adora watched as the eyes slid down into the bed and Catra repositioned herself on her side.

“Catra…?” Adora whispered out to the bed. She removed her shoes and set them on the floor. “You should be asleep…”

“Come to bed, Adora.” Her voice was raspy, like she hadn’t drank anything all day. She probably hadn’t.

“Do you need some water? You sound awful…”

“Just... come to bed. I’m not gonna ask again…” 

“O-okay.”

Adora slid her feet across the floor and stopped at the edge of her side of the bed. Catra didn’t take her eyes off of hers. It was unsettling, because of the darkness, but it was also familiar. Adora found herself lowering down into the bed as quietly as possible, because she’d grown so used to trying to keep the bed from creaking so as not to wake Melog and Catra. Come to think of it, Melog wasn’t even in the bed. Adora’s hip settled into its usual spot, pressing the side profile of her body into the feathered mattress. Nothing moved.

“We’re going to talk. In the morning.” Catra whispered. “We need to figure this out.”

“I know,” Adora mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.” They stayed silent, letting this new and unsettling energy crackle in the gap between them. “I love you,” Adora said, firmly, the instant sitting here became too unbearable.

Catra paused another moment. “I love you too.” Her eyes closed.

“I’m going to kiss your forehead, okay?” Adora whispered, shifting towards her. Catra nodded once, barely perceptible without any light. Adora craned her neck and brushed her lips against Catra’s forehead. It was warm, as if she had a fever; but she needed that warmth, the kind only this could give.

Catra shimmied toward her, tucking her head into Adora’s collarbone. She started to purr softly as Adora slipped her arm gingerly over the curve of Catra’s hip.

“I’m still mad at you.” Catra murmured into the soft skin of her neck.

“I know.”

Catra drifted off into sleep as Adora laid watch over her into the early hours of the morning, finally succumbing to sleep even as her arm went dead between them.

………………………………………………………………..

Adora lazily rubbed the sleep from her eyes with her right hand, her left poking about in the bed for Catra. No matter how hard she tried though, she could tell Catra wasn’t there. Slowly moving her head about, she looked around the room for her.

“You’re up later than usual.” A voice called behind her.

Catra sat with her back against the window frame, one leg bent at the knee, and the other dangling out into the late morning sunlight as it warmed the high walls of Bright Moon. Adora shifted onto her other side, resting her head on her palm supported by her elbow, causing Melog--who had somehow made their way up onto the bed from god-knows-where after she’d fallen asleep-- to stop purring and fuss about at the foot of the bed. Even though there was tension in the room, Adora couldn’t help but think how beautiful Catra was, the light outlining and amplifying every line and soft curve of her back, and her leg.

“How long have you been up?” She asked. Catra ignored the question.

“I’m going to say something. It’s going to be long, and I don’t want you to say a _word_ until I tell you you can.” She replied firmly. Catra turned her neck to face Adora. She looked excruciatingly uncomfortable, even though that pose she was sitting in was so natural for her. Adora had seen a thousand times. “This is hard for me,” she said, breaking the facade she always maintained so well. Her forehead tensed up, pushing her eyebrows inward. “My first instinct wasn’t to do this. My first instinct was to hit you. Hard.” Silence settled between them. Adora sat up on the bed, her feet dangling over the edge of the mattress, hands on her knees.

“Go ahead, I won’t interrupt.” She smiled weakly.

“And you can’t get mad. Please.”

“I promise.”

Catra’s first thought was, _for all the good_ promising _always did you,_ but she immediately pushed it out of her head, sucking in air through parted lips.

“I’ve thought about this for a while now; and every time I think about it I get really...upset. When we were at the Heart, and you were...I don’t know where you were, but you were out cold...I told you that...I had you, and I wasn’t letting go. I meant that. I still do.” Catra paused for a few seconds, unable to look Adora in the eyes. “Then I told you I loved you,” the corner of her mouth tugged itself into a pitiful smile, “and you came back to me. You stayed, just like I asked. In that last moment. I think you were dying, but you stayed. For me.” Tears started welling up at the base of her eyes. “And then, right there, right before I thought it would all be over...you were Adora again. _My_ Adora, not...whoever this person is.” Catra still couldn’t look at her as she motioned across the room in her general direction. She exhaled slowly. “I thought...I thought after that, we’d go back to normal. You’d want to spend every moment with me, like I want to with you. The best part of your day would be...watching me sleep, or laughing with me, or...it sounds so stupid.” The tears flowed more freely. “Because that’s not you, and it never was, and I was _stupid_ to think it was, to think that this...dream Adora existed simply because I wanted her to. You _always_ were such a dutiful little…And then you started making that _face_ at me, that _damned_ face, always, whenever you were near me, and I just...” Catra dug her claws into the window frame as Adora stood up, trying to make her way carefully over to her.

“Catr-”

“SIT DOWN.” She snapped. Adora retreated. She sat there and cried for some time, heaving into her knees, her tail coiled around herself in some sad attempt at self-comfort. Catra threw her neck back and forced long, steadying breaths out of her chest. She stared at the top of the windowsill.

“You have to go on the trip, and I have to stay. That’s how things are, because you’re right. I’m not strong, I’m _weak,_ and I have to rest more. I’m _tired._ But I can’t stop you from going, because you’re She-Ra too, not just my Adora. And it isn’t fair for me to keep you caged here like some animal to keep _me_ happy. Like the selfish monster I am…” Catra finally turned and looked at her, bloodshot eyeballs, bags under her eyes, hair a mess.

Adora didn’t know how to respond. She wondered what she must look like to Catra. It was only then that she realized she’d been crying too, as she felt her cheeks getting hotter and the salty tears dropping onto her lap.

“I…” she stammered. “I’m so proud of you.” Adora smiled through the tears. That was the first thought that came to her head. Because _this_ was who she knew Catra was, could be.

“What…?” Catra sniffed.

“You’re so strong, Catra. More than you realize.” Adora stood up and started to slowly make her way across the room. “I’ve been... _awful._ ” The hair in Catra’s tail puffed up as she approached, so Adora slowed her pace. “I’m...sorry doesn’t begin to make up for what you’ve just told me you’re going through. I can’t be sorry for that kind of thing, because that’ll never be enough.” Adora reached the windowsill, Catra pulling away from her.

“I worry about you,” Adora extended her arm, slowly moving her palm to Catra’s shoulder. “Sometimes I worry too much.” She placed her army gingerly down onto Catra as she bristled, and even hissed at her for a millisecond. Adora tightened her grip slowly, running her thumb back and forth along Catra’s collarbone. Catra wouldn’t look at her.

“Can I say something too? I feel like...we have to communicate better. If we want this to work.” Adora lowered herself onto the ledge of the windowsill and leaned next to Catra. The feline nodded once, still crying silently.

“For the last...month, I guess, I feel like you’ve been… running away from me. You haven’t really kissed me back that whole time. There are these...little moments, where you show me you still love me, but...then you just, disappear, almost. Like you’re disgusted with me, or...I don’t know. I’m guessing that’s all because I keep making this...face? I don’t know what it is, because I never mean to do it. I think what you’re talking about, it’s….fear? I don’t know...but I’m so _afraid_ you’re going to...run away, again, or…”

“ _I DIDN’T RUN AWAY, YOU DID._ ” Catra snapped, slapping Adora’s hand away from her. Melog growled low on the bed behind them, springing to attention at Catra’s distress.

“Shhh...I’m sorry, I didn’t…I know, I did.” Adora whispered, her breathing fast and nervous, her eyes shut tight, thinking Catra might start swinging; she couldn’t blame her, really. Catra got it much worse when they were kids. Sometimes she lashed out. Adora still had little bumpy scars underneath her left eye where Catra had scratched her all those years ago…

“I’m just...I can’t lose you. But these people, Catra...they need me too. Glimmer, and Bow, and the Alliance. And sometimes, I sit here, and I just feel so... _useless,_ because even _Hordak_ is helping with the plans, and I just...I’m just the muscle, or something. I keep thinking like...like something’s going to happen to you out there, and it’ll be my fault, that I’ll _fail_ again….” Adora’s voice trailed off into silence as Catra sat there, defensively.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”

“It’s okay.”

The room was still, eerily so. Occasionally a tear would hit the floor.

“I….” Adora started, “I have to go on this trip. You’re right. And...I need you not to come. Not because I don’t trust you; I trust you with my life, Catra, _always_ remember that…” Adora paused a moment. “I just...you’re right. I’m She-Ra too. And I can’t keep pretending that I’m one or the other, because I’m only really me when I’m both.” Adora once again slowly edged her way towards Catra, reaching her hands out to take hers as they gripped her knees to her chest. She picked up Catra’s left hand and held it tight.

“But I also can’t keep treating you like this. I can’t...I’m sorry, Catra, I’m _so_ sorry…” Adora brought Catra’s hand to her lips and kissed it, squeezing her fingers together, she held her lips against Catra’s knuckles as her breath passed by her lips in tremoring gasps.

“You can’t.” Catra said firmly. “You can’t keep treating me like this…and I know I’m selfish for saying it, because I’ve been awful too…” Catra finally turned away from the window and let her legs dangle between Adora’s, turning to face her.

“Can we start over?” Adora whimpered.

“Well, no. I’m not going through another year and a half of beating the daylights out of you, and almost blowing up the planet twice.” Catra dryly chuckled, causing the last of her tears to shake from her eyelids. She pulled Adora’s head into her chest, running her claws gently down the length of her scalp.

Adora chuckled once. “Y-yeah...without that part though…” Her breathing was still ragged.

Catra turned Adora’s head up to face her, and their eyes locked. They saw the pain they’d inflicted on one another reflected back. Not just back then, before they’d reunited, but these recent troubles as well. So many kisses, so many hours of talking together, laughing together, loving one another lost.

“I know you didn’t sleep at all last night.” Catra finally said, smiling down at her through the pain of their conversation. “I didn’t either.”

“I can skip training today…” Adora mumbled, Catra’s hand still pulling her jaw upward. “I want to. I want to spend today with you. We have...a lot to catch up on. And...I have to leave soon, for the trip...so I don’t want you to miss me too much.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Honestly, you are _so_ dumb sometimes.” She grinned. “I won’t miss you too much, dummy. You’ll be back.” Catra pressed her forehead to Adora’s. “For real this time.”

………………………………………………………….

The ship was huge. Adora would be safe in it, if anything came for them, or they ran into trouble. A fact which Glimmer, Bow, and Entrapta (on three separate occasions) had assured her was almost impossible.

The new starship had been hauled out of its shed in the Whispering Woods for its maiden voyage; a two week trip to neighboring planets, with the aim of establishing diplomatic ties with any sentient life, or establishing whether or not magic could viably be transported to those planets for the use of the inhabitants. The massive wings were decked out in streamers of gold and purple, as well as piles upon piles of thickly laid flowers, courtesy of Plumeria. 

A huge carpet had been woven by the Sorcerer’s Guild’s best artisans for the occasion; it was more of a floor tapestry, to be honest. Inside of bright golden brackets at the top and bottom of the composition lay the story of Adora, She-Ra of Etheria, and the Rebellion against the Horde, rendered in stunningly bright hues of white, gold, and red. The story ran the length of the ramp that led up into Bright Moon’s main gate. At one end, Adora raised the Sword of Protection high above her head, consumed in a ball of pulsating brightness as she transformed, for the first time, into She-Ra, Princess of Power. Trailing down the ramp, Adora fought against Horde Prime’s armies, descending down upon her and Queen Glimmer, the two of them back to back against the impossible odds stacked before them, with Bow and Swift Wind flying over-head, raining arrows down in support. As the armies of Prime dissipated halfway down the carpet, Mara’s ship could be seen flying though the stars, bursting ahead in a ball of blue flame, as She-Ra sent bolts of energy blasting through the asteroids surrounding them at Horde Prime’s cruisers. Then, nearing the end, She-Ra marched forth in glory to the Heart of Etheria, the failsafe _beating_ on her chest, raising her sword high over her head. One could almost hear her shouting, “For the Honor of Grayskull!” They’d rendered her so realistically. Adora’s eyes were a flash of steel blue as the magic of the Heart burst up from the core of the planet.

All of it was very dramatic, except one scene, right at the end, right at where the ramp to the ship lay. Adora was there; Adora, not She-Ra, holding Catra’s hand. Little, tiny Catra, with her shorn hair, standing next to Adora. Catra paused when she reached her ceremonial spot at the end of the ramp, next to Glimmer. She stared down at herself, woven into the carpet, next to Adora. Adora held her hand, and pointed up to the stars with the other; if one looked outside the composition, Adora pointed to the very ship itself. “Do you like it?” Glimmer whispered to her. “I put that one in myself. I know I got your hair wrong; haven’t seen you nearly enough lately. I like it like this.” Glimmer nudged her arm with her shoulder. Catra smiled as she stared down at the carpet, and the trumpets started resounding out triumphantly.

She-Ra strode forth from the castle, way above them, Entrapta and Bow at her back, as the gathered crowd cheered on wildly. Catra clapped politely, completely entranced. She was _glowing,_ really _glowing._ She was in her element. Eight feet all, sword in hand, her steps long, graceful, perfect. Shoulders squared, steps intentional. It still was taking some getting used to to see Adora like that, even after all this time. People went ballistic as She-Ra passed them, tossing flowers, glitter, confetti, all over her. She-Ra smiled, but was all business, intent on the mission. And even though Catra could only see She-Ra, she knew Adora was in her element too. The trumpets crescendoed around her as she passed over the stars of the tapestry, glinting beneath her feet. People behind her on the ramp started to crowd down around them, following her down the ramp. The band exploded into heroic ecstasy as Adora neared the end of the ramp and the crowd was starting to overflow into the grass below the castle entrance. Catra could feel her cheeks getting hotter and hotter as they got closer.

She-Ra stopped in front of Glimmer and Catra, pivoted, and bowed to Glimmer. Catra wanted to laugh, but couldn’t, not with everything so formal. This was essentially the kingdom’s victory lap over Horde Prime; nothing ceremonial had been carried out yet.

“It’s all so weird, isn’t it?” She-Ra called out over the trumpets to Glimmer. “Oh, uh, Your Majesty!”

“I know!” Glimmer beamed and wrapped her arms around She-Ra’s waist. “You be safe out there, okay?” 

“You know we will!” She-Ra shouted, turning to Catra as Glimmer jumped at Bow behind her, and Entrapta tottered off to say goodbye to Hordak.

“I bet you’re loving this attention, princess!” Catra shouted over the crowd as She-Ra stopped in front of her. This was going to be bittersweet, but Catra wanted to be strong for her. And every time she talked to She-Ra she got all...butterflies in her stomach, as Glimmer said.

She-Ra quickly flashed, shrinking back down to Adora. Her Adora. Catra could barely hear over the blasting music surrounding them. Adora pressed against her, wrapping her arms tightly around Catra’s waist. Even with the thumping trumpets around them Catra could feel herself purring, deep in her chest. Confetti and flowers started to rain down on them. Catra gripped Adora’s back tightly, not wanting to let go.

“Here, I wanted to give you this!” Adora reached into her pocket as Catra clung to her and pulled out a tracker-pad. “It’s got me on it! Bow made it!”

Sure enough, there was a little diagram on it, a map of the stars and planets around Etheria, with Adora’s little face plopped on Etheria, in the midst of the vast emptiness around it.

“So you can know where I am!” Adora blushed and let loose her goofiest smile, and Catra could feel tears in the corner of her eyes. Bow tapped Adora on the shoulder.

“We’ve gotta go! We’ve only got a couple minutes for the launch!”

Adora turned back to face Catra. Both of them smiled. Catra could feel the blood beating in her head. She placed a claw on Adora’s forehead.

“You come back to me, damn you!” She screamed out over the frenzied crowd.

“I promise!”

Catra practically threw herself at Adora, pressing her lips to hers, and parting them as Adora melted into her. She could feel Adora laughing joyfully against her as the music enveloped them. They couldn’t stay here long, but weirdly enough, it was exactly like their first one, at the foot of the Heart, magic crackling all around them, closing out the rest of the world.

Adora pulled away first.

“I love you!” She shouted, barely audible in the mess of sounds as she started to be whisked off to the ship. She smiled wildly, like she’d just first learned how to.

“I love you too!” Catra screamed, as loud as she could, praying that whatever gods existed out there would let Adora hear it, as the crowd in their ecstasy pushed Adora, Bow, and Entrapta up into the ship, pounding drums, trumpets exploding, confetti absolutely everywhere. Adora watched her the whole time, neck turned almost 180 degrees all the way around just so she could see Catra for those last few seconds as the crowd thrust her up the ramp to the ship. Catra tried to wave to her but was unsure if she could see it. 

And within a few minutes, the crowd's chants were completely drowned out as the ship’s engines blared to life, and the vessel lifted slowly into the air as everyone looked on, amazed by this marvel of technology as it lazily floated through the sky. Then, in an instant, it burst off into the sky, headed for the thousands of stars hidden by the sunlight above.


	2. Prequel Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Horde Prime's defeat, Catra and Adora struggle to figure out how their relationship will work in the new world they helped to create.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still had ideas bouncing around in my head for scenes and couldn't help but writing this, which is a prequel to the main body of "Stronger Every Day." I've been loving the idea of this contemplative and tired Catra who's been completely beaten down by the events of the past few weeks at the end of SPOP and just had to keep writing POVs for her. As with the main chapter of this fic, this chapter contains some spoilers for the entirety of SPOP and I wouldn't recommend reading unless you don't care about spoilers, even though some of the force of it is lost when this is read out of the context of the show.
> 
> As with the last chapter of this fic, I've no idea if more chapters are coming or even suitable at this time. It's more likely that I'll start something new before adding on to this; basically, don't wait around for more chapters, there are plenty of much more talented writers here who also really deserve your attention, though I'm more than grateful for everyone's comments and hits on my own work.
> 
> And as always, if you like what I've written here, a comment, bookmark, or kudos really helps me out; I was genuinely blown away by even the modicum of interaction the main chapters of this got and really humbled by it.

Adora was....different when she was She-Ra. There was, of course, the height, that ever-present sheen of light bouncing along her skin. And then the size, the hair, the _presence._ She-Ra made the room different than Adora did. She made the air thicker, more serious. Adora was already a serious person, but She-Ra added a sacredness to that feeling in the room. As if everyone affected by her suddenly became more...pious, attentive. Only Glimmer and Bow seemed immune to it, and that’s perhaps because, like Catra, they really knew what Adora was like when she wasn’t She-Ra. But their relationship with Adora...She-Ra, especially...was different. They didn’t know her when she was just Adora. Catra did.

She-Ra still unsettled her. Catra knew that Adora was in there, behind those piercing eyes, those thick arms. And she’d be lying if she said there wasn’t something so...attractive about Adora when she was She-Ra. How could she not? She was strength incarnate, a walking goddess. She’d be stupid to try and hide any feelings she had for the _physical_ asssets which She-Ra had aplenty. She couldn’t stop staring sometimes. _Especially_ her arms _._ But even so, something unnerved her about She-Ra. She just wasn’t sure what that was yet. Catra had chalked it up to all the time she’d spent thinking of how best to take this tree trunk of a woman down, which had made looking at her with anything other than hatred--much less love, attraction, desire-- impossible for so long. Try though she could, attractive as she was, Catra could not love this woman. She-Ra wasn’t Adora, and she couldn’t be.

So Catra sat in the corner of the war room, as far out of sight as she could, with her eyes glazing over as they stared at She-Ra, threatening to send her spiraling down into an embarrassing sleep in the middle of her speech. She was ashamed to even be thinking these kinds of thoughts. But surely, as Adora saw her undressing, or watched the top of her spine curl limp against her neck as her head slumped over her shoulders, Adora was thinking similar things about Catra. At least Adora’s form had another name, another body, another life. Catra was just Catra.

“We’ll need a ship,” Glimmer began, turning to Entrapta, She-Ra shining next to her, “faster, better than Mara’s. We can’t hope to do the right kind of work with the wrong tools.” Entrapta didn’t even respond; she just snatched Hordak-- _disgusting thing,_ Catra’s thoughts hissed in her skull-- and squealed as she ripped herself from her chair and practically flew out of the room. Everyone seemed used to this state of affairs, shooting rolled eyes or elbows at one another. Catra understood Entrapta’s reaction well enough, but nobody involved her in the banter around it whatsoever. “I uh...hoped we could get a little more details on that but...any objections to that idea?” Glimmer chuckled, and everyone laughed a bit freely. This was the first war meeting--was it even a war meeting, if there was no war to fight?-- since Prime’s defeat. Nerves were on edge a bit. They were still tired. Catra most of all. She could feel her eyes starting to close as she forced them open again, jolting up in her seat. She focused on She-Ra.

Why couldn’t she love She-Ra? She was just Adora. The same brain behind that dumb, cute little hair puff was in there. She loved Adora, no questions, doubts, or fears in her mind. And Adora loved her, that much she knew to be true. Why Adora loved her was a different question for a different day, but... loving She-Ra felt... _wrong._ It wasn’t a feeling that she didn’t deserve it, or that She-Ra would hurt her, or that She-Ra reminded her of her past; some of these were true, and some were completely false, fabricated as she tried to piece together what was happening to her. It was as though attraction to this woman was dangerous. Not risky, though, _dangerous. Toxic. Fated for failure._ She wished Adora would stop this act and change back already. She-Ra unnerved her and she didn’t want to look at her right now, didn’t want to think about this right now.

“Who’s gonna go on this mission?” Bow chirped up. “It’s not really like we can just take everyone. The people of Etheria need strong leaders now more than ever, not just strong fighters; they need someone they can look to for help. Half their homes are gone, damaged, or destroyed. There’s refugees flooding into Bright Moon and we need to find them homes.” He had a point. Now that they’d won, leading was going to be more than just flying off to the next adventure.

“Bow…” Glimmer smiled at him, taking his hand. “I know you’re going to say you want to help. And you should. But I need you on that ship. And you know I have to stay here. I can’t really use my magic out there...at least I don’t think so. I’d be a sitting duck, all us princesses would be.” Glimmer stood up. Bow understood, it seemed. Sparkles had a point, too. The best for the job would be… “Adora.” Glimmer began, “and Catra.” Catra stumbled up; She-Ra was already standing. Their gaze met one another’s as they rose. She-Ra smirked slightly, and even _blushed_ as she stared across the table at her.

Catra appreciated Glimmer more than she realized. Glimmer was kind to her and had absolutely no reason to be, every reason to hate her. Maybe it was all a show for Adora. “You two, Bow, and Entrapta will serve as our ambassadors. You’re more than able to defend yourselves if it comes to it and you’re our brightest minds as concerns space travel. You’re our best shot.” Glimmer beamed. It must be good to have a mission that didn’t feel hopeless, surrounded by confusion and improvisation. Everyone at the war-table seemed satisfied. “It’s settled then,” Glimmer said, “We should start as soon as possible. Which means rest for _all of you._ ” She focused her gaze especially on She-Ra and Catra. “We’ll handle everything at home, just make sure you’re ready. There’s no telling what we’ll run into out there; we’re not in Despondos anymore.” Glimmer looked anxious. Happy, excited, but anxious as well. Her expression was mirrored on practically everyone’s in the room. Everyone but She-Ra, she looked as dutiful as ever. Stone faced, beautiful.

“Meeting adjourned. Good job everyone!”

Everyone rose from their seats and began to chat amongst one another; Sea Hawk yelped vaguely about “...-TURE!” on the other side of the room to Mermista, Perfuma and Scorpia surely made some enlightening comment or other, Spinnerella and Netossa just looked glad that the meeting was over, sitting next to her at the farthest end of the table. She-Ra practically bee-lined for Catra, all the way from her place alongside Glimmer.

“Hey.” She smiled warmly down at Catra, stepping up to her and wrapping her arms-- _those big arms--_ around Catra’s shoulders. “You alright? You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.”

“I’m fine.” She tried to smile, weakly. Catra craned her neck to look up at her. “Adora…” She rolled her eyes. “You know I can’t do anything when you’re like this.” Even standing on her toes, Catra couldn’t reach She-Ra’s lips as she dramatically puckered her own up at her for a kiss. She-Ra giggled a bit--even that was perfect, damn her-- and Catra felt the tingling sensation of magic emanating from her as she transformed back into Adora. Her Adora.

“Enjoy your flight, princess?” Catra mocked, finally wrapping her arms around Adora’s waist. Instantly she could feel her chest rumbling as she started to purr, pulling Adora to her as she pressed her lips to hers. Not wanting to make the room awkward, Adora pulled away first and held her forehead to Catra’s for a split second.

“I still don’t really get over being that tall.” Adora mused aloud. “Always feel like I’m gonna knock my head into stuff.”

Catra wanted to shoot back with, “only when I’m swinging that stuff at it,” but jokes about fighting had become sort of taboo for them. She’d made one once and it really hadn’t sat well with them. Instead, she let out a loose chuckle, which quickly turned into two pathetic, airy coughs.

“It’s late. We should get to bed.” Adora looked nervously down at her as she grasped Catra’s waist, taking her hand and leading her to the door of the war room.

“Okay…” Catra mumbled weakly, feeling light-headed as Adora whisked her away, out into the hallway. It was sweet, how Adora wanted to take care of her all the time. Sometimes it was a bit stifling, but Catra had missed it so much over the years. Back when they were kids, whenever Catra was sick, Adora would sneak her extra food, make sure she was drinking enough, and knead her temples slowly between her thumbs as Catra fell asleep in her lap. “I’m okay…” Catra whispered, “just tired. And a headache. I’m fine, Adora, really.”

“I know, but just...Glimmer is right, you need to rest.”

“So do you.”

They reached the door of their bedroom just after sunset, as the walls shone dimly in the gloaming. Adora threw it open and led Catra in, placing her hand on her forehead to check if she wasn’t running a fever. Catra was thankful she wasn’t so as to keep Adora from turning the room into a sick bay. She was so tired. All the time. And everything always hurt, especially the nape of her neck, where...

“Are you hungry? They always say you should drink soup when you’re sick, or…”

Catra sat down on the edge of her side of the bed. “Adora.” She called out. Adora snapped to attention, looking down at her. “I’ll be fine, and I don’t need soup, stupid. Come lay down with me.” She motioned her neck toward the pillow.

There was something beautiful about the way Adora looked when she was focused on some task at hand. It was even more endearing when the task was her, even if most of the time Catra felt that she didn’t deserve it. Adora’s eyes lit up, her shoulders squared off, she held her chin high. She smirked confidently. It was... _intoxicating,_ that confidence she seemed to exude without effort _._ But Catra could remember a time when Adora was focused on all the wrong things, things which hurt her, things which ripped them apart.

And sometimes, when she was like this, striding powerfully across a room, _she looked like She-Ra._

Adora allowed herself to loosen up at Catra’s command and slid herself down onto the bed next to her, who rested her weary neck on a doubly-stuffed pillow leaning against the bedframe. Adora crawled up under Catra’s head, nuzzling into her neck as she kissed her jawline, giggling, and wrapped her arms around Catra’s midriff and lower back. Catra allowed her eyes to close, feeling Adora’s touch moving slowly, left and right, along her stomach, gently scratching her with her nails. A soft moan gurgled in her mouth alongside her purring.

“A little better?” Adora asked. Catra nodded once.

“Give me a kiss.” Catra demanded, her voice wispy, dreamlike.

Adora obliged, leaning her head upwards as Catra craned hers down. Their lips met and they brushed against one another for a moment, before Adora pressed herself against Catra, parting her lips. Catra could feel Adora’s cheeks curling into a smile as she slid her fingers gently through the loose strands of hair bundled to form the ponytail at the back of Adora’s head. Adora wrapped her leg through Catra’s thighs as her tail began to coil its way around Adora’s back.

“I love you.” Catra breathed against Adora’s tongue as she turned herself on her side, pushing herself against her.

“I love you too…” Adora whispered back, running her hand along the small of Catra’s back, slowly sliding further down as she pulled their hips together.

And even as her desire for Adora overtook her, she couldn’t help but continue to let her thoughts wander, almost defensively, instinctively, over She-Ra, and what she looked like when she had a mission that couldn’t fail. Even if it meant leaving everyone behind as she shot off to die in a flame of glory somewhere half-way across the universe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My commissions at the time of writing this are open for discussion, please read my profile bio if you'd like to commission a piece, or to check if I'm currently doing commissions.


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